Everything is Dust

I close my eyes, only for a moment, then the moment's gone
All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the Wind...
All they are is Dust in the Wind...

Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do, crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see
Dust in the Wind....
All we are is Dust in the Wind...

Now don't hang on,
Nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away, and all your money won't another minute buy
Dust in the Wind...
All we are is Dust in the Wind...

Dust in the Wind...
Everything is Dust in the Wind,
everything is Dust in the wind...

The wind...

With six days left until I board the plane to leave and step into another life, I'm thinking and reflecting on so many different things...people I've loved, people I've lost, people I'm going to meet, and people I'll never lose touch with. This next step in my life is of course exciting and nerve racking, but is really just another course in my road of life. I've experienced the best and the worst in my life. The best of friends, the best of traveling, the best of laughter and moments to cherish. The worst of things are just bumps along that road. It's true what Kansas said, everything, in the end, is just dust in the wind...

As I was sitting at Sonic (yes Sonic) yesterday with my mom, I had to point out that this wasn't a funeral for me. It simply is a move. Of course, that move is thousands of miles away and practically in a different world, but still just a move. It's also a move for others. A move away from seeing me everyday, from picking up the phone and calling me to tell me about the stupid driver in front of you or your day or exciting news. But, all of these moments will still happen. With or without me. That's not to say I'm not sad about not being able to share those moments with my loved ones, but I know that life will go on with or without me there to share in it....

It's amazing...it's amazing all that my friends and family can do. It's amazing, makes my heart sing...And I can't wait to share my adventures with you. I already miss all of you so very much it breaks my heart to think about it. You'll see....if it's meant to be, nothing can compare to deserving your dreams... And remember, everything is dust in the wind.

Perfect

My old roommate just sent me this reassuring quote... I feel it's fitting and I have to give credit to him and Benjamin Button.

"For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again. "

Georgia on my Mind.... hell everyone on my mind

It's coming down to the wire. Down to the seconds. It's day five of my trip in Georgia with one half day more... I've seen lots of friends, had several laughs, and driven down many roads. The weather has been perfect, like it's showing me the best of Georgia with it's 65-70 degree days, blue skies, and little humidity...it's even a little rainy today, which I am very pleased to get to experience as well. The smell of the rain coming and the winds blowing through the trees warning us of the flood gates about to be opened is one of my favorite things to experience.

But, the truth is, there aren't enough days to spend with the friends I already don't get to see that much; really there isn't enough time to spend with the people I DO get to see all the time either. You blink and the moment is gone. You turn your head and it's a different scene. Different people. Different situations. Different. Nothing ever stays the same. Things come and go...

The time here has been such a blessing. I am most comfortable here. Most relaxed and most at ease. A perfect send-off before such a raging adventure. But the worry about this adventure is still lingering in the back of my head. The worry of my new job, the worry of the new people and the worry of the little things-mostly and foremost the worry of the unknown. I know all of the answers to these worries will be revealed to me once I'm in Guyana.

For right now, it's just a lot on my mind. I know that sometimes I just have to let go, but up until that point, my head is swimming. It brings tears to my eyes to think about not having the people I care about most be able to go through this adventure with me. And not for me, but for them as well... I guess everyone goes through their own adventure in their own way, and I know this is mine, but the last question I have pacing through my brain is, where will this adventure take me?

Don't Take Stress

These words can be found in my Welcome Book or any Peace Corps Volunteer's for that matter. The words can be translated to mean several things, but the most obvious being "don't let stress get to you/don't stress out". Yeah right.

So far, I have exactly 18 days left until I say good-bye to everyone I know and love in Colorado. I have exactly 4 days until I go to Georgia to say my good-byes to friends there. I have 3 more days of work. 1 more time to go to church. I do, however, have an unlimted amount of time to feel anxious, nervous, excited, sad, melancholy, and a mirad of other emotions during a variety of experiences and situations.

I got off the phone with two fabulous people who are in Guyana about 3 hours ago. While it was hard for me to hear the two because they were on speaker phone and have accents, I understood exactly what was being conveyed. This is it. There's no turning back. Not that I'd want to, of course, but still. We spoke about what were my family and friends' were feeling towards my leaving?, had I packed yet?, what are my fears and my anticipations?, what was I most excited about and what was I most nervous about? Did talking to them get me geared up and rearing to go? Sure! And now that I'm sitting back at my desk, comfortable and knowing what lies ahead of me, I'm suddenly not ready at all.

I know I'm not the only one with this anticipation and excitement. I know I'm not the only one with piles of things to take with me, yet to be packed. I know I'm not the only one who's nervous about the culture, the heat, the bugs, the food, and whatever else comes to mind. Does it make me feel any better? Nope. What I feel at any given moment is stress. Stress about final bills, stress about packing, stress about saying good-bye, and stress about arriving to say hello.

Don't take stress.... Don't take stress.... I don't think it's as easy as lather, rinse, repeat. But all the same, I think I'll just repeat it over and over...

Seven Bridges...

Guyana Sun Setting over the Ocean

There are stars in the southern sky
Southward as you go....
There is moon light and moss in the trees
Down the Seven Bridges Road....

Now I have loved you like a baby
Like some lonesome child
And I have loved you in a tame way
And I have loved you wild

Sometimes there's a part of me
Has to turn from here and go
Running like a child from these warm stars
Down the Seven Bridges Road.....

There are stars in the southern sky
And if ever you decide you should go
There is a taste of time sweetened honey
Down the Seven Bridges Road.....

Steve Young really knows how to write a beautiful song. The haunting, poetic, magical song speaks to me like an old memory that I forget about until I listen to the lyrics pouring out. I can close my eyes and be suddenly lost in another world where I'm back, running through the Georgia woods behind my house, laughing with the neighborhood kids, chasing fireflies and not getting cold even though the sun had long set. I wonder if my experience(s) in Guyana will be like these fond memories the song invokes; the way I can still taste the sweet tea, or smell the rain in the air before it comes pouring down, and the way a summer picnic could bring families from far to the same crowded but joyful spot. I can listen to this song over and over and it still makes me feel like I'm standing in one of my memories, content and feeling like nothing in the world could shake me.

I can only hope for memories that evoke so much feeling and emotion as this song causes me to relive each time I hear it. Will I make new memories that make me stop and wish I could relive them in Guyana? Will I find things I've been searching for? Will I be able to fulfill my role as someone who makes a difference? Will I find that I've got a longer road to go before I'm truly content with my life, my self, my heart and my deeds? I guess looking back years from now, I'll know then....

To Snow or Not to Snow..That is the question...today at least

It's been snowing on and off today. Not even snowing...I'd call it flurrying. It'll snow for a small amount of time, and then it'll stop. And start up again. It's like my emotions about this trip. Last night, over plates of Chinese food, my mom started tearing up (when does she not?) and said, "Lu, You only have one more month here". For some reason I rolled my eyes, but then when I woke up this morning, tears poured out. It wasn't from the workout I did at 5:30am, and it wasn't from my fingers touching the hot straigtening iron...I'm just getting nervous. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited, but there's a part of me who's equally nervous, and sad to boot.

I wonder what getting on that plane will feel like; what saying goodbye to the ones I really care about will take; if I'll wake up in Guyana and wish that I were just waking up to go to work at home instead. Nightmares? Sure I've got them... but they're not about the things I think about when I'm awake.

Now the snow's coming down hard and you can't see the mountains anymore. The sky's a permanent gray-ish white and you can barely see the trees in the distance. Days like these come and go, I know. I just wonder if my fear and worrying will too. Or if it'll just increase closer to my departure date. On off, on off.... This emotional rollercoaster I've decided to ride is going through loops faster than I can throw up my hands and squeal, but as soon as I recover, another loop-de-loop comes right around the bend.

I know the butterflies in my stomach will come and go. I know it'll be different in a couple days. I know when it's all said and done, it'll be one of the best experiences of my life. These are all things I know. What I don't know is how to handle leaving...

"It always seems impossible until it's done" - Nelson Mandela

At least that's what I keep repeating to myself... I am leaving for Guyana (South America) in t-minus 4 weeks, 3 days, however many hours and seconds. It still hasn't fully hit me yet that I'm leaving. I mean, sure I've gone to JAX and gotten somethings to bring with me, and sure I've told my work (an experience in itself), I've talked about it with friends and family, but it really hasn't hit me yet. I'm sure it'll be hour 3 on the plane to Guyana and all of the sudden, I'll say, SHIT!! I'm really going and doing this! I guess if there were more to know and more to prepare myself, I'd feel more ready and more adjusted, but as it turns out, I've read all I can and I've talked to people that are in the "Peace Corps loop" but nothing can prepare an individual for the experience they are going to have.

Here's what I know:
- I'll be leaving February 22nd for Philly to do staging (bascially an orientation and a gathering of the other members of people who are going with me).
- I can only bring 80 lbs of junk with me. That's 40 lbs per bag and one carry-on.
- Guyana is 5 degrees N of the Equator, so that means I'll have a curly fro for sure.
- I'm pretty sure I'll have email access, but it all depends on what I'm doing there and where I'll live.
- I'm going to be a Community Education Promoter. (What that is...I'll let you know more as I know more)
- It's going to be hot as hell, and there's going to be bugs, bugs and more bugs. Oh and snakes too.
- Guyana is the only English speaking country in South America.
- Their exchange rate is $200 for our $1. I'll be making $40,000 a month! WOOOO!!!
- The rainforest there is lush and practically untouched.
- I'm going to miss my friends and family so much, but I'm sure that 2 1/2 years are going to go by really fast.

I guess Nelson really knows what he's talking about, but I'll have to experience it myself just to be sure.